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Archive for September, 2010

Not playing now, and when I stopped playing a few weeks ago I was farting around with a short stack and no bankroll in relatively low stakes, my mind in 20 other places.

Which is a bit of a change from playing 20-30 hours a week of high stakes just a few years ago.

And, at some point a few years ago, I thought I was committed to really transitioning into “professional” play.  I worked on the ABCs, I worked on my mindset.  I had a bit of money behind.  I was ready.  Somehow it didn’t happen.

And I realize that this same scenario describes any number of key “career” moments in my life.  I worked for a foreign government tourist office and made contacts throughout the industry–an industry I really like–but decided to go off to grad school to do something completely different.  I came back from grad school–a name school–and worked my way into an investment bank.  On the verge of a promotion and the opportunity to really learn something and build a career, I left to start a random company with no real model.  I’ve started or worked at three random start up companies, and each time the opportunity presented itself to take some chances and work and take things to the next level, and I never really did.

I’m trying to figure out why.  I do love my leisure time and freedom, but I don’t think its laziness, I’ve been known to put a lot of sweat into various projects when motivated.  I’m wondering if my behavior has something to do with not wanting to be on some kind of ladder, corporate or otherwise, where you climb and climb and eventually hit some random point…and then you are that much closer to being old and dead.

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